After The Wedding – How To Argue With Your New Spouse
Your wedding ceremony was the celebration of your intention to join your future with that of your fiance, the love of your life. You survived the stress of wedding planning and enjoyed a beautiful and intimate honeymoon.
Now you are home and your life has changed dramatically while both of you adjust to the new meaning of your relationship. Jobs, bills and stresses will take its toll on the dream life you thought being married would provide. You might argue occasionally and by disturbed by that unexpected event in your new life.
One of the great marriage myths you might have believed before you got married was that two people as much in love as you and your spouse are will never argue or be angry with each other. But the healthiest of couples will argue at times and it is not a sign of your relationship breaking down.
If both of you can build a stable sense of trust in knowing that you will disagree with each other and argue at times, then you both will be able to release your feelings without feeling discarded or embarrassed.
You do have to realize, though, that differences of opinion and even loud arguments can be very hurtful if either one of you starts name-calling and painting the other with broad accusations. How you argue is far more important than how many times you argue or even what you argue about.
Following some guidelines will actually preserve your marriage and avoid causing emotional pain to your spouse.
When you argue, stick to the topic and do not escalate the argument by wandering off into other issues and eventually verbally attacking your partner. People commonly say things they regret during a heated argument and, once the damage is done, it is difficult to repair.
Keep your tone and physical stance calm and non-threatening during your argument. Aggressive anger can escalate in a minute and keeping your body loose and calm will reduce that danger. Clenching fists, yelling and stiffly marching around your partner while arguing is definitely threatening. Stay cool.
Some like conflict because it is emotionally stimulating. Do not fall into that trap and start arguments to feel and enjoy the stimulation. If your marriage needs more stimulation, discuss that and together figure out how to spice up your relationship.
During an argument, don’t use the situation as a dump for all the wrongs and misdeeds you can think of. Argue about one thing at a time. Don’t store up hurt feelings and misunderstandings and dump them on your partner when the original argument started about over one thing that could have been easily remedied.
Learn to forgive and forget. Neither one of you is perfect and you both probably have past missteps you might like to forget. Learn to think before you speak and to avoid spewing hurtful accusations at each other. Never, ever start any sentence with, “You always or you never…”
Relationships are fragile during hard times. Arguments can permanently damage any relationship with foolish accusations. Rather than letting an argument escalate beyond all repair, you might agree to disagree. Just because you married each other, it does not mean that you will see eye-to-eye on everything.
Accepting your differences and working out compromises will bring you both closer together.
Technorati Tags: wedding, spouse, wedding ceremony, marriage myths. married life, couples, relationships, Teri Champigny
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