It’s His Wedding Too!

It’s his wedding too! Sometimes an entire year goes by while the bride and her family are busy planning every detail of the wedding. Those details include:

> Finding the perfect dress and getting it fitted
> Picking the bridesmaid’s dresses and getting them fitted
> Booking the church and the reception hall, minister and musicians
> Contacting vendors for food, flowers, the cake, liquor, catering
> Lodging for out-of-town guests and transportation to the festivities
> Invitations, programs, favors, gifts
> Booking the music for the reception

And that’s just the short list and doesn’t include anything specific for the groom. With the intensity and stress getting stronger and more distracting as the bride’s planning goes along, it would be easy for the groom to feel left out of the planning.

Granted, some men don’t have a clue about wedding planning and believe that all they have to do is show up sober in a tux with the ring and the best man.

Commonly, newly engaged brides-to-be spend hours with bridal magazines, on any or all of the multitude of wedding/bride websites and blogs and planning with their girlfriends and co-workers. Weekends can easily be taken up shopping with the girlfriends or her mother. Every detail will be agonized over every day.

What is the groom’s part in this wedding planning marathon? Most of his friends might not be married and those who are married probably were in the same position you are in now. Not much help there.

Read on for some suggestions and insights into what is happening to the woman you love that, all-of-a-sudden, has become Bridezilla. You both will survive.

What’s Happening To The Woman You Love

You’ve fallen in love and popped the question. Now your fiance seems to be a person you’ve never met before and there’s little time in her schedule to spend quality time together. You might be thinking that you proposed to the wrong woman.

Your fiance might be smiling one minute and crying the next. The first thing you have to keep in mind is that she is under tremendous stress and it is not likely to lift until after the reception. Those surprising personality changes are temporary and very common with new brides-to-be.

Besides an endless list of things that need to be scheduled and completed constantly, your fiancé is learning new processes and techniques that might have baffled her before you proposed, like budgeting and scheduling. She is also worrying about how she will look at the ceremony. There isn’t a woman alive who doesn’t worry about her weight, hairdo and makeup beyond all male comprehension. Pending weddings blow that concern up to cataclysmic proportions.

While you might rent a tuxedo that fits, get a new pair of shoes and a good haircut, she intends on looking like an angel when she walks down the aisle.
She will worry about every bite she puts in her mouth and every pore on her face. There’s not much you can do about it. Stay out of her way on this subject.

What you can do, however, is be caring and supporting. Listen to her endless updates on the wedding plans and offer your help when you think you can take some weight off her shoulders. Remind her of your strengths, but don’t push it.

It might seem that the entire wedding is all wrapped up with your bride-to-be. Even the normal events are “bridal” in nature, like “bridal shower” and “bridal party.” You might be feeling left out of the planning and not part of the wedding at all.

There are several things you can do to become a real part of the long process involved in planning your wedding. Yes, it is your wedding, too!

Take An Active Role In Your Wedding

Believe it or not, many grooms are taking on some of the wedding planning and making their fiancé’s life easier. When you first start planning the wedding together, settle on the date and then talk about creating a plan of action that both of you can share. Take responsibility for the details you can shoulder and keep her updated on your progress and stay current with hers.

You might want to consider asking both of the fathers for advice or simple suggestions, like for possible honeymoon destinations. They often feel left out of the wedding while their wives and your intended spend hours on the phone, planning and shopping. Asking them for stories about their own honeymoons and how to avoid any travel problems they had, would bring them into the planning and do a lot to blend the two families.

It’s never too early to start the bonding process with both fathers and you are the common denominator.

In order to become a useful partner in your own wedding, take some of the tasks off your fiancé’s “To Do” list. It would be a good idea to start that when the two of you are doing the initial planning of your wedding. This would be a good time to talk about sharing the wedding expenses, if that is what you both want to do.

There are, however, several “man tasks” that you can take care of.

For one thing, you can take care of the paperwork required for marriages. Depending on your location, those legal details might include blood tests that need to be scheduled with your family doctor. You can apply for the wedding license.

It wouldn’t hurt to change your personal details, like medical insurance policies, auto insurance, property deeds, bank accounts, credit cards and wills. Take your bride-to-be out to dinner and discuss these personal details and decide together what to do. She will probably have some of her own, like a bank account, credit cards or property, etc. Make sure each of you knows about any debts that need to be paid off during your marriage. Don’t let private debts be a surprise.

If your honeymoon is planned for an international destination, make sure both passports are up to date. Get the applications filled out and sent off with the fees, if you need new ones. Arrange time for the necessary photos.

When both of you select your honeymoon destination, be responsible for all the details:

> Booking the resort or hotel as early as possible, before you get too involved with the rest of the wedding details. Weddings are happening all over the world every day of the week. Exotic locales and popular destinations will often be booked a year ahead. Once booked, check the surroundings for activities you might want to join, like deep sea fishing or golfing at the local course. Some resorts have special tours to local sights or festivals. Check for discounts because you are a guest at the hotel. Book them ahead, if possible.

> If you need to travel by air to your honeymoon destination, make the reservation as early as you can. Check those online reservation sites, like Expedia, Orbits, Travelocity, etc, for discounts. Even if you book early, some of them will send you an email notice with a lower price when the airlines drop the price in effect when you booked. You will get a refund if the price drops before you leave.

> Don’t forget your transportation to and from the airport on both ends of your honeymoon. The trip to the airport after the reception is usually provided by the best man, but make sure he can do it before assuming anything.

> Make sure one or both of you have a good digital camera and several charged batteries or a battery charger, if needed. International destinations will probably need a specific charger for converting their electricity to match your electronics. Your honeymoon is a once in a lifetime trip and your photos will be something you both will enjoy often. It only takes a few minutes to make a photo record of your honeymoon.

When your fiancé is sending invitations to the wedding and the reception, she will know how many of the guests might be in other states or far enough away from the wedding city that lodging and transportation might need to be scheduled.

Get a list from her as soon as she gets the acceptance notices and start checking out local hotels and motels. Tour them before booking and make sure you see a room before making reservations. Many hotels and motels will offer discount rates for wedding guests. Ask.

You might want to ensure that a good restaurant is nearby and make note of any activities the guests might want to visit, like a movie theater or some
activities for kids: arcades, miniature golf, for example.

A map of the simplest route from the hotel/motel to the wedding and then to the reception would be very handy for those who will drive to the festivities. For those who are flying in, or taking another form of public transportation to get to your town, arrange for transportation to their lodging. If necessary, provide phone numbers for local cab companies and bus schedules.

Be a good host and anticipate everything you can think of. Ask both parents for their experiences and take their advice. It will save you a lot of grief at the last minute.

Perhaps you could find a good band or disk jockey for the reception. Choose the music together with your fiancé.

Another important aspect is arranging transportation to carry your bride to the wedding and both of you to the reception. Most cities have several limousine companies, so interview each one to get the best price and service. The one you select will need accurate directions to and from both the ceremony and the reception. Set reasonable schedules and give the limousine company a copy so they will be on time. Do not forget to allow time for the official photos at the church.

A couple of weeks before your wedding, select appropriate gifts for your groomsmen, ushers and your best man. Let your budget and knowledge of each one’s interests guide you.

You also need a special wedding gift for your fiancé. Make it very romantic so she will know how much you love her and are anticipating your marriage. You might consider how much pressure she is under for maybe as long as a year. Occasional sweet gifts would show her how much you appreciate her planning and hard work for your big event. When your bride-to-be is tense and stressed for months, a little “sugar” would go a long way to relax her.

There are two personal wedding details that are your responsibility:

> You have to set up fittings for your tuxedo rental or purchase. You are also responsible for getting your groomsmen fitted, too. When selecting tuxedos, it is important to check with your fiancé to determine her wedding colors. Consider black tuxedos or a colored variation to match the bride and bridesmaids. Do not forget to coordinate ties, vests, cummerbunds and shoes.
Make arrangements with one of your groomsmen to have the tuxedos returned to the rental shop after the wedding.

> Both of you select your wedding rings together and determine your sizes at the jewelers. If you want special engraving, tell the jeweler at that time. When they are ready, pick them up and make sure the best man keeps them secure until the wedding.

One of your traditional wedding responsibilities is ordering and paying for the corsages for the mothers, grandmothers, aunts and, in some families, close friends. You are responsible for the bride’s flowers and the corsage she will wear after you two change clothes and leave on your honeymoon.

Work together with your fiancé and both sets of parents on the rehearsal dinner. Make sure you have the marriage license with you. Give it to the minister, or whoever is marrying you, so you can be sure it is filled out correctly. It will be signed and returned to you after the ceremony.

Go over the procedures and wedding day duties with your attendants during the rehearsal, including clearing special seating arrangements with your ushers. You will be responsible for paying the minister.

After the wedding, you have a couple of responsibilities during the reception.
If the bride has planned a receiving line, you will stand with her and introduce your family’s guests to her and her parents.

Later, you will dance the first dance with your new bride. If you can’t dance, take a few lessons before the wedding and find some time to practice with your fiancé. Later, you will be expected to dance with your mother and, most likely, her mother.

During the reception, spend time with both sets of parents. Remember that both you and your fiancé are leaving their homes and starting a life together. They will be happy for your joy and a little sad for their immediate loss of their old relationship with their son or daughter.

Traditionally, the best man makes a toast to you both and, at times other members of the wedding party might make one, too. Respond to each one.

Taking responsibility for all these details will give your fiancé a needed helping hand and put you back in your own wedding ceremony.

After The Honeymoon

When you and your bride return from the honeymoon, another aspect of your life together is just starting. To start with, the two of you will no longer be the center of attention like you were before the wedding. The mechanics of building a home and a family together will be entirely different from the rollercoaster ride you’ve been on for many months.

Now that your concerns are jobs, household responsibilities, broken appliances and bugs in your lawn, the honeymoon stage can be over in a heartbeat. Normally, this stage of your relationship could last 6 months.

But, when it inevitably ends, you will be experiencing real changes as a couple. Common ones could be pressure from your own families to spend weekends and holidays with them, disregarding your own needs to spend quality time with each other. Your friends might think each one of you will be available for the activities and social times you spent with them before you got married.

If you commonly spent every Saturday and Sunday on the golf course with your buddies, expect domestic fireworks if you believe you can continue that practice. Your bride might have her friends calling and expecting her to continue their weekend practice of shopping, visiting garage sales and having lunch. While there’s nothing wrong with keeping separate friendships, they have to accommodate your new life and not the other way around.

Childbirth will change everything in your life. You will have a job during the day and another one with your baby during the night and on weekends. Your wife will be making severe changes in her life, including the hormonal changes from carrying the baby for nine months. You will be expected to take on some of the baby’s needs when you are home. Your wife will need a good night’s sleep pretty regularly. Her household chores and taking care of the baby’s needs will be constant and extremely tiring.

Learn how to take care of your child and give your wife an occasional day off out of the house. Remember that you are at work and away from dirty diapers and newborn earaches every working day. An occasional small present or surprise treat for no reason at all will soothe tempers and bring you closer together.

Most couples come into a marriage with unspoken expectations formed by their family experiences that they’ve observed or participated in their entire life. They have both conscious and unconscious expectations that are a mix
of what they expect from each other and themselves. It is common for both people to have mental pictures of what the other member of the marriage should be. The terms “husband” and “wife” are powerful emotional images that can color the way each one of you interact with each other when those stresses and disagreements inevitably pop up.

Whatever the problem or disagreement, do not make it worse by not listening or being willing to calmly discuss the problem and possible solutions. Do not set your mind on winning every argument. You are not in competition with your spouse and there’s better ways of settling spats without full-scare warfare. Sometimes you will have to just agree to disagree and get on with your wedded life.

If you haven’t lived together before your wedding, your transition will be more intense. Good advice is to compromise and express love to each other at all times. If both of you focus on the positive aspects of living together and show respect for each other, you can build a happy wedded life.

A common argument after the honeymoon is about money. Decide before you get married about whether or not you will combine your bank accounts into one and what you will do with your separate checks if both of you have jobs. Small things like who buys and pays for the groceries, or who pays the utilities can become big problems if you both have not settled on a sound financial plan of action before you get married.

If one of you is the one who normally stops at the grocery on the way home from work and buys the groceries from a personal and separate account, you need a better plan. Many decide on one account with blended incomes and all the expenses come out of the one account. It avoids feelings of being taken advantage of and arguments over money, which is one of the major causes of divorce.

When you return from your honeymoon and blend your formerly separate lives into one, common sense and a willingness to openly discuss any problems without anger will dissolve quiet hurts and bring both of you to new understandings and much closer together.

Remember ladies, it’s his wedding too. Let him help. Give him something to do.

Technorati Tags: it’s his wedding too, wedding, bride, groom, bride & groom, wedding planning, fiance, fathers, honeymoon, More Wedding Info Blog, Teri Champigny

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30 Days To Go Checklist

After you’ve spent months or a year planning and scheduling every minute detail of your wedding, you will wake up one morning and realize that it’s the last few weeks before the ceremony and there are things you haven’t done. Don’t be surprised if your mind goes blank and you just cannot remember what needs to be done. Stress!

Here is a quick checklist to get you back on track and relieve some of your stress:

• This would be a good time to apply for your marriage license, if you haven’t already done it. Different localities have different requirements so you and your fiancé need to take a little advance care with this process. Normally, this is a task handled by the groom.

The license is usually issued by the County Clerk or the Clerk of the Court. There will be a fee. Check in advance for the fee and method of payment required. Some states require blood tests and others require tests for German Measles, venereal diseases, sickle-cell anemia, tuberculosis, etc.

• Your dress needs a final fitting now to be sure there’s time to make any changes needed. While you are at it, make sure your bridesmaids and groomsmen have their attire ready to go.

• All your vendors need to be contacted to confirm arrival/delivery dates and times. This includes your caterer, florist, musicians, photographer, hotels, reception hall, minister or other officiate, transportation and hotel reservations and the bakery creating your wedding cake.

• Take a little time to check your wedding program for accuracy before you print it. Send a future change of address form to the post office. Make a list of those invited guests who have not responded to your request for an RSVP and ask your mother or sister to contact them. As soon as you know how many out-of-town guests you will have, create your welcome baskets for them.

• As soon as you receive gifts, write thank you notes. People consider it bad manners to have to wait weeks to get thanked for sending a gift.

Two Weeks To Go:

A couple of weeks before your ceremony, flesh out your seating plan and
write your place cards. Confirm any last minute details and tell your caterer how many to expect. Complete your seating chart.

Pick up your dress and hang it where it won’t wrinkle or get caught on something. Occasionally walk around your house wearing your wedding shoes to break them in and make them comfortable for your walk down the aisle.

Arrange for a house sitter while you are on your honeymoon, if necessary. You might need someone to water your plants or take care of your pets while you are gone.

Make sure someone has a list of your honeymoon itinerary and contact information in case of an emergency.

With your fiancé, write toasts for the rehearsal dinner and reception. Attend your bachelor or bachelorette parties.

The Day Before:

Your out-of-town guests will be arriving. Relax with them and make them
comfortable. Personally give them their welcome baskets or have them already in their rooms.

Take a break and have a manicure, pedicure and maybe a massage.

Confirm your transportation schedule.

Attend the rehearsal that afternoon or evening and hold the rehearsal dinner. Give your wedding party their gifts and make sure they know their individual responsibilities, like handing out corsages and boutonnieres, escorting guests down the aisle.

The Big Day:

Give your parents their wedding gifts, if you didn’t do it at the rehearsal dinner.

Follow the schedule you have set up for the morning; hair dresser, make up, etc., and you’ll make it just fine to the wedding with everything running fairly smoothly.

Technorati Tags: wedding planning, checklist, scheduling, ceremony, planning, marriage licience, wedding dress, wedding cake, reservations, gifts, honeymoon, wedding quests, wedding gifts, corsages and boutonnieres, flowers

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Wedding planning isn’t just for the bride; the groom should take some responsibility and have some input in the process too. However, traditionally the arrangements are covered by the bride and her mother. That means that many people don’t know how to get the groom involved. Let’s take a look at a few ways to help him avoid feeling left out of things or run over by your plans.

If you’ve just gotten engaged, you’re going to want to make the announcement. Both of you can create an announcement card to send out by mail or email, or share the responsibility of calling friends and family. Together, make the list of people you’d like to invite to the wedding.

Food is another important portion of your wedding. Your fiancé can help you with the budget, help figure out the catering situation, and maybe come up with a few creative ideas that you haven’t thought of. If one or the other of you is a skilled negotiator, consider delegating that person to work with the vendors to get the best price. Remember, every task is an important one!

You may wish to write your vows together, too. Collaboration can help you come up with the perfect words to say to one another to express your love. Other things you can do together include building decorations for the reception, researching the music and deciding on the DJs, and choosing the videographer or photographer. You’ll want to talk about just what each of you wants out of the wedding.

For many grooms, the wine and other drinks that will be provided at the reception are extremely important. If this is something your guy cares about, or if he loves food, let him handle the food and drink. Resist the urge to micro manage! Each of you has the ability to put together something great without supervision, as long as you’re clear on what needs to be done in advance.

Other things the groom can do to take a little bit of the load off the bride’s shoulders include choosing suits for the wedding, contributing his opinion on colors, theme, and size of the wedding, and choosing the transportation for the big day. He can also handle wedding present registrations and handle mediation with your families if there are problems. He can even talk about the toast with the best man if you’re feeling nervous about it.

It’s a great idea to involve your groom in the wedding planning. Just make sure to include him in the decision making as well as the labor, and relax about his ability to handle things. He can get the job done just as well as you can, and it’ll keep you from feeling quite as stressed and unhappy. If you’ll be married soon, you’re going to be entering a life where you do a lot of things together. Planning your ceremony and reception is a great start.

Technorati Tags: wedding planning, bride, mother of the bride, groom, reception, wedding, ceremony, planning, fiancé

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Planning your wedding is a big deal and can use up a lot of energy. If you’re going to married soon, you’re probably finding yourself running all over, and you might not be getting enough sleep. However, that’s a bad idea. There are lots of unfortunate side effects that come from not getting enough rest, and they could put a crimp in your plans for the big day. Let’s take a look at the reasons that brides need plenty of high quality sleep, especially the night before their weddings.

Did you know that sleep prevents disease? If you get less than the amount your body requires (and some of us need more than others) you’re putting yourself at risk for faster aging and more diseases. Sleep keeps your heart healthy, and can reduce your risk of cancer. It also helps you reduce your stress levels, since sleep deficiency elevates stress, raises blood pressure and increases muscle tension. Not enough sleep can result in aches and pains, as well as trouble getting through the day.

Get enough sleep before your wedding to be fully alert, capable of remembering everything you need to, and even help you with that last minute diet so many brides go on (just don’t do it after your alterations have been finished!) You’ll feel smarter and be happier, and your body will be in better shape. Skip the sleep, and you may find yourself feeling and looking exhausted before the big day even gets started!

Of course, some of us get so nervous that sleeping can be tricky, even if we make an effort to get enough. There are a few things you can do to help yourself sleep, even the night before. Don’t turn right to sedatives or other chemical sleep aids, though. Try changing your behavior first – it’s easier on your body.

Maintaining a regular routine, instead of going to bed at all different times, can put you in much better shape. A regular schedule helps your body be ready for sleep at about the same time each night. Keep that schedule even on holidays, weekends, and special occasions to keep your internal clock ticking correctly.

Get up at the same time each morning, too – even if you didn’t sleep as much as you’d like. That might sound counter intuitive, but it’ll help train your body to sleep properly the next night. Likewise, avoid going to bed extra early, even if you’re tired. That keeps your body trained.

Remember that sleep should be a priority, and make plenty of time for it. It’s not a waste of time – it’s an investment in your health, your happiness, and a great wedding day. Create a comfortable environment for sleeping, with a temperature and bedding that feel good to you. If you’re tossing and turning, the quality of your sleep is going to be reduced. Try a warm bath before bed, or scent your room with relaxing smells like lavender, to improve your chances of a good night’s sleep before the wedding. You’ll appreciate it when the big day comes.

Technorati Tags: wedding planning, sleep, sleep aids, natural sleep, energy, health

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